Fluenza

I come home expecting that I can finally rest up from this cold I've had for the entire time I've been at basic (eight weeks) and now I have flu-like symptoms: chills, massive soreness in entire body, losing my throat from coughing so much...oh, and my body feels heavy. Usually that is at some point followed by vomiting, for which I prepared an empty trash can next to my bed. Great... Mum's chicken soup is pretty bland but it should help. I hope Acai does also, because I had a thick liquid dose of it from some fancy bottle. Orange juice has been no help, I think, because I'm in this state. Oh I hurt so bad... I'm thinking the extra sit ups I did at kung fu last night didn't help because I got quite lightheaded and nauseous afterwards [sigh] Fantastic... I just hope I recover quickly before I return to basic as there are about two weeks left and the things we're doing aren't going to be inside... Imagine that, flue + freezing cold = -|X|, X being only a specific number of things. I can't believe I just referred to an odd mathematical equation, I must being going nuts! [lol] Enough complaining for now.

Christmas Block Leave!!!

Hello again everyone!

Those eight long weeks seem like they've been smushed together and the day I arrived home, it felt like I never left. It doesn't feel like I missed eight weeks of my family's and friends' lives, but I know that I have. I know I will miss much, much more.
When I feel up to it, I plan on compiling all of my journal entries which I wrote to my folks at home, editing them, and typing them out on this blog. It probably won't happen right away as I'm enjoying freedom right now, but it most likely will happen before I leave. Hopefully I'll stop feeling like there's still a drill sergeant over my shoulder. It's freaking me out, honestly!
I woke up this morning on the dot at 04:30 like clockwork. In SC that would be 07:30, and I went to bed at around 12:00 last night, which is 03:00 EST. So, about four hours of sleep later, when I usually get about six hours, I happen to wake up at 04:30 PST? Honestly, this biological clock may have start running for the first time in my life, but that's just creepy. Can anyone explain this at all?! [lol] All I know is, I woke up, and there's no getting back to sleep for me. I'm up for good. Weird...
God bless you all!
*Estarr*

I respond very well to criticism, and my platoon knows it. My family will disagree, and they're right too. Home and public are very different. I have not argued back once with this females. Why waste the breath anyway, even if they are in the wrong?

We were at the range today, attempting to zero our weapons. It appears I've already made an impression on our First Sergeant. Heh heh, the man's awesome but I can imagine life would be a living hell if we ever got on his bad side. Anyway, I feel him walk up behind me, observing our small circle of studious soldiers. That's exactly what we were doing too. I noticed that a shadow's appeared to my left in my periphrial vision...yep...it is that sneaky devil. So I slowly backed away from him by turning and walking backwards at the same time...I was too freaked to look at his face. I squeaked out an "at ease" to let the others know he was there. The others in my group remember me saying "at ease" but actually I don't remember. They said it was real quiet. They hadn't been sure whether they were supposed to call at ease or not, and here I am, not even looking at first sergeant, squeaking out a nervous "at ease."

In the process of my awkward backing up, somehow I slightly bumped him. He was like, "What's the matter with *you*, private?" or something of the like. Then he guffawed and said, "You're special, private." I think he meant "special ed." Him and Y.S call me special...[sigh] Well I kind of turned real red which made him grin all the more. He patted my shoulder and stated, "You're alright in my book, private." Later, I was sitting nearby him and asked about three questions. At some point he called me "special" again and then said I was "smart." I'm not sure if he's being sarcastic or not. Y.S and J.M said that it must've been because I asked well thought out questions, so basically it was a compliment. I dunno, but it was the first time someone's called me smart here. It is nice. I now don't feel as lame as before...

I'll be writing a lot less because I need to focus on my goal, which is being able to fully concentrate on the mission, which is completing Basic! Y.S, my Basic mum, says that things such as writing letters are luxuries. She also says that my priorities are completely out of sync and wack. Sound familiar, dad? [lol] She says that I am going to have to grow up fast now that I'm here. She's quite the discerning type – it's crazy. She's definitely not unlike my dad in that regard.

Y.S and J.M (an amiable 32 year old Australian female) both agree that they like me but get frustrated. M.D says that she's I'm funny (she used to date someone like me and got used to helping him out) and doesn't mind helping me get used to this insane environment. Here people get offended and overreact so easily, as though it were important than the bigger than the picture. Obviously, small disagreements are not.

Anyway, Y.S and M.D treat me respectfully and I've never seen M.D even slightly (what I consider insulting) insult me...ever. A.H is...well... A.H. She is what she is and I'm will to accept that. Basic is unlike anything I've every experienced.

Oh darn, didn't get to finish my thought yesterday because M.D needed to utilize the latrine. Anyway, Shirokova told me that she had been in awe of M.D's incomparable patience because she literally did not twitch for that entire hour and a half (more or less). Y.S said that she had to move a little because of aching and whatnot, but M.D didn't move even a centimeter. I think M.D has the ability of leadership...she follows orders and is patient.

Wowzers! Shooting the M16 rifle was freaking awesome! I can now say that I've fired a real weapon!

11:07a

Oh my goodness! I am so doggone worn out. Going out to the firing range our company split and walked on both sides of the road in a march for approximately a mile and a half. I was also carrying my friend A.H's weapon. That gives me the right to whine being that I was carrying two rifles? Just kidding of course. Anyway, we just got bac so we probably marched a total of three miles. Whew! I do feel stronger now but I'm not ready to go out again any time soon! :) Time for lunch! Woot!

14:49 (2:49a)

Lunch outside again. [sigh] It's cold whenever we do that and even the food at the DFAC (chow hall) is better than Hot A's (that's the plates of limited amounts of food). We ended up eating a bit after our normal chow time, which is twelve, and I think that's why we had to eat Hot A's. This time the food was good though. Yay! With eating outside, we're actually allowed to talk as well, as opposed to eating in the DFAC where we're not even supposed to look at each other.

I have to wonder what they put in these meals though because it causes me to be really flatulent day in and day out. It's irritating! Besides that, the food I enjoy. Those who have a better sense of well prepared food can't stand the food. Sucks to be them :P

Currently we're practicing with our weapons but not actually firing anything. We will begin practicing with blanks soon enough, as I understand it, but for now we're just practicing the prone (lying on the ground) position and aiming.

Oh jeez, it's freezing and my arse is getting wet. We're sitting on the ground, waiting for the rest of the platoon to show Drill Sergeant T how they're doing their individual firing positions. I was in the first ten to go, so I didn't have to suffer the punishment of standing at attention and not moving. The group was not listening so the calm Drill Sergeant Todman didn't get angry, he calmly stated that if they even so much as twitched, they would suffer. I can't remember specifically what it was he threatened them with, but I saw a limited amount of twitching after that.

Finally it's Sunday again! My third time going to this non-denominational church led by a Baptist chaplain. I don't even care that the sermons thus far haven't been great or the movement of the Holy Spirit as obvious as it is in our church. When you get no Christianity six days out of the week, one can just let their tears roll. I truly get renewed at church. We even get a bible study directly after. I sorely miss my pentecostal though.

Hahaha! We just got off the bus only to discover it is for latter day saints. Whoopsie! We all rushed madly back into the bus.

My friend, A.H, is a sarcastic and sassy person. Very much so. She's got the anti-social kind of attitude. But she's also quite funny in that way. Apparently her varsity soccer team is not unlike cheerleaders in the movies, at least in their personalities. Meh, - Her world | My world - I like it that way. She ticks me off a lot, but she also makes me laugh. She's also very immature but hey, maybe she'll grow up and be more likable? Who knows? Either way, she can be fun to be around.

This is the first Sunday where I truly feel rested. We haven't seen the DS' all day. My friends and I found a nice quiet place away from all of the loud females in the laundry room with the door shut.

We still have our phones that were given to us for temporary. It's been at least a day but DS Ike still hasn't asked for them back. I feel extremely tempted to use the cell phone when I know I'm not supposed to and it's irritating me. So I asked DS Todman about it and later, over the intercom, he requested them to be returned. My platoon's females are furious with me because apparently they've already asked a few times and DS' still did nothing about it. It didn't feel fair to me that we got the chance to use our cells and the other platoons didn't though. I feel like I did the right thing.

The thing I'm mad about is the fact that it's obvious I've been homeschooled, raised an only child, and a first time away from home dependent child. That's better than the image that I'm some damnable thief though. My "cluelessness" as my nickname has become, seems to prove my innocence...at least it seems the accusers are not as openly hostile or distrustful of me as they were previously. That's a very good sign in my book.

I pray this week will bring even better days and move our platoon out of red phase!

God bless and good night!

Hey it's me again. It depresses me that I can't send these letters yet because it makes me feel better in knowing that someone at home is aware of what I'm doing and how I'm doing. Apparently it's really hard for the hoe-schooled, only child people. Every time I tell someone that I am one of these "unfortunates," their eyes widen and a light bulb brightens over their heads. Oh, and the fact that it's my first time away from home...all of it adds up to me: "clueless"

However, under no circumstances do I regret my being home-schooled, an only child, and all of thos ethings. The time I've had to spend with all of you has been priceless, ispriceless.

I miss my family and my church family so much. I am just grateful that I could even get a chance to talk to some of you. It was limited, but it was worth it.

Now, what I'm not looking forward to is doing them long marches. I think there's a 2mile, 5mile, and 9mile. We'll have to wear our heavy gear. I talked to some females on the bus who're close to graduating and they told me that it increased their runtime and that the feelings of accomplishment were well worth the hardship of the marches.

I've been waiting at the TMC clinic for almost two hours now. I had to fill out a thick set of paperwork, sign and date, sign and date, sign and date. Whew. The reason why I'm here is because of that mental health evaluation. Captain Y had reassured me about this and I feel peace about it. I'll be in and out like I was never here :P If I ever get into the analyst's office that is...grrrr.

Now I really need to utilize the latrine and I've missed my favorite time to eat: breakfast. [sigh] I'm afraid that if I go pee now, they might call my name. I'll just hurry.

11:15a

Yay, I'm apparently mentally fit! Time to return to the company!

Gah! All I want to do right now is sleep! The obstacle course, the gas chamber, and the long marches have me drained [yawn] Geez it's noisy in the female bay. Sheesh. Okay, I have nothing more to write about so later!

Land Navigation

Today we're doing land navigation. In fact, I'm sitting on the ground waiting with my squad to head out into this unknown forest of skinny trees and flat terrain (at least, flatter than what I'm used to). Our squad leader is an E1 while many of us our E2's and E3's. I'm just glad I'm not the leader...I was worried in the beginning because I'm a higher rank. Looks like Fort Jackson doesn't work that way.

We have to find five points in only a couple of hours. We will probably be stuck eating MREs (they're instant meals that could probably be edible after a 100 years sitting on the shelf). Don't ask me how, but the chemicals in this little plastic bag becomes instantly hot when reacting to water. I'm very curious to see what I'll get...and what goodies too. Some of this have lots of goodies, like power bars or M&Ms, some don't have any.

Woot! We just got some hot soup! That'll give us some energy for the three hours of walking around. Just as I was next in line to get coffee (the first time we've ever gotten it), it was out. Figures. :( Anyway, I hope we pass with at least finding 3/5 points.

Five minutes to go. Ah, my squad's laughing at me for writing letters every where I go. Jerks :) Oh, it's time to go!

12:10 PM

Whew, thank God we're done! Unfortunately we only got two points. Our team is full of immature young people anyway. Some tried taking control and didn't let anyone else look and understand the map and compass. Many are from the hood, used to relying on only themselves. Some of us, that's me, were at a loss at land navigation and tried to follow whoever was "leading." I got to know one of the males though, and he is a nice guy.

We did have a class on land navigation yesterday, but it was about 120 people fitting into one small classroom. I swear to God it was inhumane! I'm dead serious when I say that we lost feeling in our legs. It hurt. It was a sped-through class and we were suffering the whole time. The other land navigation classes were held outside in the freezing cold and I couldn't see the white board the DS was using to illustrate his points. Thus I didn't learn very much at all.

Well it's 12:40 right now and most of our company's back.

Today is more of a personal rest day. I'd reference last Sunday but it was all such a blur...I can't really remember anything. Right now I'm on the bus from the Protestant church to bible study. The bus driver is crazy and a lot of us fell out of our seats during some of his sharp turns. He's also got some majorly loud rap going on! It's so good to finally hear some music though. As I walked out of the bus, I was dancing to the music and the young black bus driver laughed and said, “Dance it, sista!”

I've noticed that our Drill Sergeants (DS) make us all feel the most picked on. M.D said that DS I made her feel that way and I would have never imagined that. In fact, M.D appears to be one of the people who have it together. R.H seems ADD and she's age thirty. Her MOS is playing band at West Point and when she graduations Basic, she's going to be promoted from E-4 to E-6 because only Staff Sergeants can be at West Point. Things like this just don't happen...it's so....wrong! Oh well, I wish her the best. On top of that, her ASVAB score (that's military entrance examination) was 98/100. Mine was 74/100. So she can literally do anything she wants to in the Army. We both appear as stupid and clumsy to everyone else though. For me it seems I lack common sense, short term memory, and I'm spacey... I'm only spacey because standing in lines gets so boring! It speeds up the time, y'know? [lol] I'm realizing that I just need to suck it up and be patient rather than go into void world.

Regardless of our issues, R.H and I have each other and the other bay females such as Y.S, H, A.H, M.D, J.M, etc. It's interesting, we can't go anywhere on our own unless we have a battle buddy with us. That is, female with female, male with male, or two males and one female. First Sergeant says he doesn't mind if there are two females and one male, but the DS's and the rules at Fort Jackson disagree. Time for bible study, see ya!

Just boring old PT (Physical Training) today as usual. Today was interesting though because we've begun our martial arts combat training (MAC). We also got to go to the PX, under unnerving close supervision, and I bought all the necessary items I needed and got out. I didn't have the money to buy the eye pros (eye protection glass) which have been missing since that last day at reception. The eye pros are $60!
I find it intriguing that this has become my reality now. Tonight when I called my folks, I was unfamiliar to their voices...it was odd. Anyway, it was relieving to get into contact with them, nonetheless.
I think I'm over my head cold now so my mind and memory are much better now. I also have many bunkmates who give me the benefit of the doubt about the whole thieving thing. Anyway, those who I consider friends continue to watch me, prodding me to hurry or fixing my uniform when put my name on the wrong side. [yawn] Going to sleep now....

Today was much easier! My back has begun to get used to standing for hours, and believe me it hurt. I was so excited because we got our Army Combat Uniforms (ACUs) today! Humorously, the lights whent out in the building we were in, so we remained in the dark for two hours, give or take. We also got our combat boots. Sure they hurt from breaking them in and all but they're awesome! I'm so going to wear them for winter!

The Army provided us a card with money on it to buy whatever we need from the Army store...and believe me, it's NOTHING like the NEX. The money on the card was part of our yearly uniform allowance or something. I'm not sure. Either way, I was able to buy sneakers appropriate for my style of feet, according to this amazing foot scanner. I didn't know we had such technology. It told me my arch, all the different sizes of shoe brands I would fit, what size my foot is, and that I needed “stability.” Whatever. Quite frankly, I feel unbalanced in the shoes. As an personal note I'd like to remember, I found out that the woman (she can't be older than 24) acting as team guide, is a specialist (E-4). I think Sergeant Knight must favor her...it's kind of gross actually.

I've had panicky thoughts in my head about whether I can handle this or not. It was utterly confusing them first couple of days. I think I'm starting to grasp it now but we're shipping to Boot on Saturday. Technically speaking, “shipping” us is really just driving us up the road to where Boot will take place. Anyway, it's a very shocking change to adapt to and it sure is hard, but I'm still alive...I think. ;P

We learn to stand in formation for a long time, an hour even. I tried really hard to be disciplined and not fidget around.Tomorrow we get to wear our ACU's! WOOOOOOT! I know I'll probably get sick of them, but I don't care.
[begins to fall asleep] Ah...still have another... … .. [snore]

Yep, everything is still so surreal to me. It's like I'm observing through another's eyes. I can't believe I'm here! Surviving yesterday on 3 hours of sleep was amazing, especially when the day was so freaking long! Now that I've gotten some sleep, it's better except for this headache. Reception is absolutely nothing I thought it was. It consists of standing for hours and processing lots of paper work, bloodwork, etc.

...And still flying...

We've been in the air a couple of hours now with only 2 hrs to go. I guess it's a four hour flight to an airport in Atlanta, Georgia, and then there will be a bus ride from there to Fort Jackson. I'm enjoying classical music and loving every moment...aaaaaah ^_^

I've really enjoyed speaking with the older gentlemen next to me. To my left, Mike, and Kevin in a pink shirt to my right. Mike is an ER medical something or other and really likes his job. Apparently Kevin does finance for Boeing, which is ironic considering I was questioning out loud about how the plane works and he was there to answer them.

OMG! The clouds are so fluffy! I feel as giddy as a girl! They're so bright they hurt my eyes though.

Flying!...

So here I am on the Delta plane, waiting for it to take off for Fort Jackson, South Carolina. I'm quite excited for the trip and am anxious to arrive. The plan trip should take around six hours, apparently. Woot! It looks like we're about to take off! Awesome! Last time I flew was around 200...I think. Just as I was about to board, I saw the outside of the plane, suddenly realizing that it would flying in the air without any land directly beneath. I guess thinking with an adult mind, is different than with a child because when I was a child, I didn't think about it. Or maybe it's just me? Anyway, I placed my hand on the plane and prayed it would keep me safe.

Now is not the time for such useless thoughts. The fear I am storing away in this notepad. I don't know why I'm suddenly thinking about it anyway. I loved flying in the past and had no fear! Oh dear...it's moving so fast! It's shaking too much to write much more...and...there go the lights.... Oh dear..... ;_;

The Change

Okay, this is it folks! Last transmision! I'm officially on Army payroll as of this morning! I might check everything on the internet tonight before I go to bed at 2000 (8pm) before my freedom completely goes out the window tomorrow and my connection to everyone I know personally is severed temporarily. I leave tomorrow at 0600 at Sea-Tac airport, which I'm right across from in a hotel, currently. I go to South Carolina and when I arrive, I take a three hour bus ride to Fort Jackson. At least I'll get to be with my "twin." :D God bless all and stay safe! Prayers to all of you!
*Estarr*

Clarion Hotel

My heart just broke to see the look on my folks' faces when I decided to enlist in the Army, to hear my mum's voice over the phone this morning, and to see my dad's face as he drove away in my ex-car. It's really painful but I have to think on other things. God has totally orchestrated all of this and I feel so comforted and reassured because of it.

I met a girl named Emily Anne on our way to MEPS. She drove in the carpool with one other because we were all coming from the S-dale recruiters office. The fact that her middle name is similar to my own is hilarious enough. She's a PK (preacher's kid) and he's a Messianic Jew! He used to be a Rabbi, as I understand it. My dad and I share a fascination for the Jewish people; after all, they're in the Bible! :D

Now Emily and I have the same haircut and hair color. Her personality is quite a bit different from mine and you could almost think that she's an agnostic Christian but I truly believe she's saved. Her knowledge of our faith and doctrine, I believe, is truly there. Not to mention her belief in Jesus as the son of God. We joked a lot tonight about Mormons and Jehovah Witnesses and this other guy, Mike, totally was on the same page. He's Catholic but despises the ceremonial crap and whatnot, but still cares for his church as he grew up in it. He's very knowledgeable and whatnot, so I could totally marry him. [ROFL!] Just kidding. He also cracked jokes about Catholics because, like all denominations, they have their...bad...qualities.

I'm just fascinated by how oddball this all is. I'm even talking to Emily's mother as if she were my own. Emily posted our picture on her Facebook website and called it "I found my long-lost twin!" When I sent a message to her mother, I named the title, "Hiya! Long lost twin here! Did you forget me? :P" She said that she and Emily's grandmother just prayed over the phone for both of us girls (Emily talked to her mum rather quick about me) and just knew in her spirit to do so. Isn't God amazing?!

Anyway, everything's going to be alright. Everything. I just know it. By the way, there's a scale in the lounge bathroom and it says I'm 167.4 and it's later on in the day. Mwahahahaha! I can doooo it! I just pray that Emily can as well. Almost like it being the buddy system or something since we've gotten along so quickly!

Anyway, we're in the Clarion hotel across from an airport and hope to be shipped off tomorrow but it's possible that it may be Tuesday. If that's the case, I'll be able to update by blog because they have computers available in the lounge where all the military "transitioners" are awaiting their souls to be sold into slavery. :P

God Bless all!

It's time

Originally I had thought I was leaving on the 19th of October but really, I have to leave church early on a Sunday, that's today, at around 11:30. How ironic is that? It makes me sad that I'm so limited in spending the last few moments with friends and family, especially because mum had to leave at 10:00 yesterday and will continue to be working throughout the weekend until Monday or Tuesday...I keep forgetting. So she won't be with us and as dad drops me off today.

I hate to admit it but I'm slightly relieved mum won't be with dad and I because she'd start crying in front of everyone in the recruiters office and I'm not sure how'd I like that. It might make me start sobbing and that would just cause a mess. It's really hard to leave my folks and crying just makes it more difficult. Dad even admitted to tearing up on his way to work one day! It's wonderful to have parents who love me that much.

I've worked really hard up to this point, believing that I've followed the path God has guided me on. If he decides to change it and I end up not going to boot camp, I'll take it from him that he's got more in store. I've already been through some amazing changes in the last few months, I can sense the growth and I like it. If I had gone for boot camp back in late May, I'm not sure I would've been ready because of all these new things that have settled and understanding that's taken place in my heart.

I'm leaving with no confusion about whether someone says who he says he is, trying to convince me I'm not listening to God by joining the military, and I'm leaving with the knowledge that my church loves and me and is praying for me. What an amazing feeling! With what I've heard and can assume the military's going to be like for me, I need all the help I can get!

Now that I feel like I've gotten some closure with the situation that's occurred at church, I can leave with peace in my heart. ^_^ Praise the Lord for all that he's done! Oh, and for the record, I am around 168 lbs now! Woohooo! I'm good to go!

PS

My favorite quote from Numbers 6:24-26, and one that dad has spoke to me since I was a baby.

"The Lord be with you, and keep you. The Lord shine his face upon you, and be gracious to you. The Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace"

Farewell thee well, all!

The Letter

Much to my amazement, my second letter gave peace to J.P. I was quite shocked that I was able to write so clearly in order that J.P see my viewpoint. Many of us have this false, liberal notion that making "peace" is the only way and that being "angry" or "judging" is sinful. I'll explain this.

When a man is in prison for a sin he's committed, and then claims an in-prison conversion to Christianity, does the prison thus let him go? Absolutely not. His sentence must be carried out lest he be in the presence of many innocents, not to mention the temptation to repeat his former crime, or worse. Time has the ability to fix things, wounds, hurts, pain, relationships, fury, desire to commit one sin or another, etc. Time and nothing to do causes one to think for a long time, as that is all there is to do.

So is the prison wrong in keeping this man behind bars when he's appeared to have a change of heart? I'm positive that we'd all agree a serial killer wouldn't have that chance and that we'd all want him to serve his time regardless of his heart. The courtroom has issued its decree and that man has to pay the consequences for his actions, regardless of a "sorry" or "I repent." Words play right along with the mask which we all wear, and, withal the heart always remains true.

In the case of this man at my church, the position he holds in conjunction to his sinful acts against me, moreover his sinful acts against the church, has put people of our congregation, youth, and any passerby at risk. He has not committed any illegal acts by no means, or at least the sins to which I'm currently referring. Notwithstanding, acts of sin on the spiritual and moral nature are of the church's concern. The man has admitted to the sin against me, but has not admitted to his more grievous sin, which concerns me enormously. I have proposed that we, the church, do as Paul did in 1Cr5 and 1Cr2 where the man who committed a sin was expelled from the church for a time. By the time of his second letter, Paul sends word that the man now is to be consoled and helped. In time, to be allowed back into the church. The time of these letters took a large allotment of time as there was no postal service in those days. It was all carried by one man across miles and miles of land.
Paul was concerned for the man's eternal soul but he states, "...hand this man over to Satan, so that the sinful nature may be destroyed and his spirit saved on the day of the Lord." 1Cr5:5 (NIV) Isn't that the opposite of what we tend to think today? The wishy-washy way of dealing with sin in our churches has got to stop! How do you think some churches now have "non-practicing gay pastors?"

Others are concerned with the following verses Jesus was recorded to have spoken:

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged." Mat7:1 (NIV)
"For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Mat7:2 (NIV)
"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Luke6:37 (NIV)

What is Paul saying?

"But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat.
What business is it of mine to judge those outside the church? Are you not to judge those inside?
God will judge those outside. "Expel the wicked man from among you." 1Cr5:11-13

Paul gets more specific in what Jesus was saying. Also, if you look into the context of that particular time and place, for example in the 6th chapter of Luke, Jesus is talking about how we deal with those who hate us (being Christians) and is not referring to those who we necessarily enjoy the company with. He is telling us how to behave like Christians to the world so they do not see more sin than brokenness unto the Lord. Isn't it obvious that we should not only love those who love us, but to love those who despise us? Isn't it clear that we are responsible and accountable for one another inside the church? If you see your brother sin and falling further and further into the darkness of his heart, are you going to abandon him?

Jesus warns us about judging our brothers' as well, being that it's our responsibility to do so.

"He also told them this parable: "Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they not both fall into a pit?
A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher.
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?""

These are powerful words. So Jesus says, judge or you too will be judged. Paul's words, inspired by God, indicate that we are accountable for another inside the church, and God deals with those outside. Let God judge the world with people of the world, and God judge the church with people of the church. Those in the church who judge those outside the church, will be judged in the same manner. People are afraid to judge another, yet don't hesitate to gossip about each other! How irresponsible is this?! Be smart about this. When you recognize a sin in someone's life that you've gone through and triumphed, help your brother! However, if you are likewise going through the same sin and have yet to triumph, don't judge. I don't see anything wrong with helping each other be accountable, however.

"He is like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built.
But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete." Luke6:48-49

We should have a better foundation than this. So many people are misinterpreting what the God-breathed Bible has to say! Life isn't as simple as the concepts are, withal people don't recognize the hard work that it takes to live and breath as a Christian is supposed to. Why do so many fail in this? They aren't willing to take the effort to know God intimately! How disappointing! I admit to this as well, being disappointed with myself for not feeling like taking the effort to fully grasp the scriptures, albeit youthfulness is on my side.

Judgement is meant for this man and he must receive the consequences for his actions, as they were serious. This man's actions are a more serious than the average kid who steals candy. All sin is sin so we are all worthy of eternal punishment, but God's grace has set us free and the Holy Spirit convicts us so that we may be capable of bettering our temples, at breaking our outer man. However, this does not mean that all sin must be dealt with equally. I personally wouldn't expel a child from church even if he continued to steal candy after being scolded for it.

To ensure that this man has truly repented for his actions, I strongly believe he must prove this outside the church where he cannot be of influence to those of us inside, as yeast which affects the entire batch of dough. This does not mean we excommunicate him, that we do not speak to him. Quite the contrary, I believe those of us grounded firmly in our understanding of the scriptures should care for him as a lost sheep. Should he prove his repentance over time, which is key as some people have been personally wounded by this man and it takes time to heal, then he should most definitely be received into the church once again.

I hope my point has been driven home. To some it has by my emails which took me hours to work on, this, has not been as well thought out as them. It's also more difficult to make a case when details of the situation are not known. Oh well. ^_^ Regardless, I feel that I have not written more clearly than I have since Sunday when the situation occurred. I feel God's hand in all of this, and I feel his presence through the letters I have been writing. It's really an amazing experience, and wouldn't be so bad if not for the sin I'm concerned with.

A Distasteful Situation

I just finished writing probably the longest and most time consuming letter I've ever written. I think that it was a persuasive report in itself and could have been turned in for an A in English class had it not be concerning Christianity! I was really happy when my dad said that the two letters I sent our family friend J.P were well written.

The situation I wrote of was something that concerned the whole church congregation. The pastors and the board now are aware of the situation and they are dealing with it as I continue my painstakingly long writing tendency. Fortunately I don't have to worry about going to work or school :) This situation is weighing heavily on the pastors' and boards' minds as they had their board meeting yesterday. J.P was very defendant of me, and I believe the first letter I sent to her was the reason. I had also sent her the evidence of the misdeed and proof of the mental instability of the person responsible for it.

I became concerned when J.P brought the subject of forgiveness up. I understand her position was of concern for my capability of forgiving the person responsible for the sin against me and against the church, however, that is the least of my worries. For anyone's information, I can forgive the man, but now is not the time. The conclusion of my second letter to J.P was this:

"I hope that you have read this in all seriousness. I ask you to be less concerned with forgiving this man and rather more focused on the appropriate consequences. Such thoughts of peace and forgiveness at this point invites a weak hand for slapping. I have no trouble in forgiving, and I am not saying that we should not be concerned with it, but forgiveness is premature at this point. There is a time for anger, and there is a time for forgiveness."

I am not satisfied with weak statements such as "forgiveness" and "acceptance" because that sounds exactly like the liberals' arguments. These words are often taken so far out of context that there are churches which are led by so-called gay pastors! If we are not careful in how we deal with sin in our church, compromise can take place and that is the last thing I want to happen to my local church...or any church for that matter.

This blog will not contain detailed information until a later date, if at all. Needless to say, I hope I've made a solid enough point to J.P so she can be my voice appropriately during the board meetings. The insanity of it all is the coincidence of its occurrence in timing to my leaving. I really don't want to leave on a bad note but I suppose God wanted me to be of use even in the last week. Interesting.
*Estarr*

Before the Change II

I was incorrect in stating that I'll be leaving for boot camp (BCT) on the 20th of October. Should everything go well and I pass everything I need to, on that same day I'll be heading out on the 19th. I will be out of contact starting the 18th. Just thought you all should know.

Some people aren't familiar with using Facebook or Blogger and so they won't know how to get a hold of me. Of course, my parents' home telephone will be available for your calls. They will know as much as I can tell them, and anyone's free to ask them, whether at the church or otherwise. Just as long as they know me :P

If or when I give my parents a mailing address, please use it wisely. I don't know if every time I get letters, I have to do push ups or something off the wall. If anyone wants to send any words of encouragement, ask how I'm doing, or otherwise, it might be good if ya'll compiled your letters together and then sent them off so I would get them at the same time. Just ask the next time my mum's sending snail mail to me and you can give your letter to her. My main plan though is to snail mail updates to let ya'll know I'm alive :D Cathy is one contact, my parents is another.

May his countenance shine upon you.

Thank you!

Thank you everyone for your support and following this book of a blog! I always have a lot to say, but many of which that I cannot say. Yesterday at church was overwhelming for me. Pastor K called me up front to pray with me and my dad (I couldn't believe he called my dad up too! Poor dad!) for the journey that I may be going. Pastor prayed that he believed I have followed this path righteously to the best of my ability, believing this is the path God wanted me to take. This has been confirmed by J.S as well. The co-pastor, pastor K's wife pastor C, reassured me that God can take someone down a path and then alter it just as you're about to go all the way. My response for her was the Bible story of Abraham and his son Isaac.

Abraham did as God instructed and presented his son as a living sacrifice, and just as he was about to plunge the dagger into his son's heart, God told him to stop and that there was a perfect animal that could be presented as a sacrifice, stuck in the bushes. It's not that Abraham heard incorrectly of God's wish for him to sacrifice Isaac, God was testing Abraham's faith. In my case, I have followed this path diligently, believing that I should follow what's in my heart. Should God change the path for me, it was always in his planning for a greater purpose than my own. I'm really happy to be a part of that! Also, I should note that if I hadn't taken this militant path, many of the things I've gone through these past months may not have happened. I have grown so much in the Lord in so many things, it simply *astounds* me!

While I was up front, the entire congregation prayed for me, as I mentioned. This isn't uncommon as pastor likes doing that spontaneously. But he had prayed long and hard to God about doing that with me because he knew my personality; he knew that I would not like this at all, that I don't like *that* kind of attention! However, pastor was firm in his belief that this was God's will.

As I was up there, I felt so warm that so many people do care and love me! I have all these cards from them! Two different families sent $40 each and some compiled dollar bills to send with me! I have no idea why! I felt so undeserving of this and fear struck me. "What if I don't make it?" "What if I let them all down!" Fortunately the pastor had announced that there was a *possibility* of me leaving, so he left that open in the air. All of these people sent money to me for my journey! It was such a shock! It made me feel kind of light-headed, actually. The last thing I want is people's money.

I knew that pastor K hadn't just done it for me...it was for everyone else. My pride had tried to get in the way but God had other plans! By these people gathering together, *praying* for someone else other than themselves, they were bound together in unity and harmony. Some of them even had tears and I haven't known them well!
I see how God has used this. I can't imagine what would happen if I suddenly wasn't able to go to boot but God knows :P

Along with this great day came a huge storm in my heart. A confession of love came from a person I least expected. It had a long, detailed letter about himself and his thoughts these past months. Why he feels that God disagrees with my leaving, and so much more. Part of the message he sent was shameful and perverted, so I shall not mention name or otherwise. Rest assured, it has been dealt with properly. I cannot help but sense the irony in my circumstance, however. His name is the same of the man who defiled my innocence and nearly the same age! While he did nothing to me, the words he spoke on paper proved where his spirituality is at. Anyone can have a perverted mind at one point or another, it's what we do with the thoughts that matter. However, he believed that if there was anything he is guilty of, it's hoping I would become a powerful woman of God. What?! Is he freaking blind?!?!?! Okay, so I'm not "powerful," but I certainly can stand my ground. Just ignore the shaking ;p Anyway, it proves that his spirit is not bound to God but to himself, just as I had suspected.

It took me an hour to stop shaking and snotting myself! I think pastor C was totally shocked when I followed her into a private room and immediately began shaking and crying. It's rather amusing, looking back on it. Fortunately I'm a good actress when I want to be as she had no idea I was in an emotional breakdown, previously. I don't remember a time that I've shaken so badly in my entire life! Goes to show how emotional and mental trauma can really damage people, even paralyze. She and I spoke for a long time and I cannot tell you how blessed I was to have her this time around. For the first time in my life, I realize that I'm not alone! When I was a kid, I was unable to defend my honor and people easily accused me of "misunderstanding" or "causing trouble," and so on. Now, all I could think of was running to pastor C with the problem.

My fear was that it would cause more harm than good, that I was "causing trouble." Funny how senseless and foolish accusations from the past can mentally affect someone in the present and future. Really screws up one's way of thinking. I had to work past that, though. This man, what he did, if he was bold enough once to speak the way he did to me on paper, he would do it again. To his credit, the man is not entirely all there in the head, but neither were my past offenders. All of them were twisted. One was in a family of twisted people, the second was kicked out of the military for something of that nature, and the final one...well if I say too much, his name may become known to some and I'm not sure that's for the best. I'm trusting K and C.B will take care of it. My dad, himself, is furious. Enough said.

So I've begun to notice this pattern in my life and the words that associate with this pattern is, "Why me?" I stand when others sit, I speak when others are quiet and I desire for the real thing when others are content with plastic. In other words, I try to encourage certain behaviors by daring to be the first. When I'm bothered by something in our church, I speak up although I struggle much before I do. And finally, I am not content with myself as I am, I want to be more. I don't want to be a plastic Christian, I want to understand as much of God as possible. I'm not longer content with my useless body dragging on the ground in carnal hopes of someone picking me up. I'm ready to rely on the Savior who has already picked me up by his sacrifice on the cross! I want to pray for others, to seek His face, to enjoy His love and compassion, and to experience life as God wants me to!

So back to "Why me." It seems that our family has always had to stand on our own. When our church violated our trust in them, my father stood up and pointed at that pastor who falsely accused me of "causing trouble" and righteously stated, "You, sir, are a *temporary* pastor!" Believe it or not, shortly after the pastor was voted in as a permanent, he was struck speechless and him and his wife were forced to retire! I saw him a while back, and unfortunately he has never apologized to us but I won't hold it against him. Nice words to say but my heart still feels otherwise.

Anyway, my father's discernment is uncanny! Although, it has a lot to do with the person I am today. Now he refused to leave the church and waited to see justice come to the church. Boy, did it ever! I'm not saying that I was the cause of the entire split of the church because of the sore misjudgment of our church members at that time, and that God was cracking down on them, but I think I had something to do with it. I really like that God has truly protected and justified me as he has. Makes me want to cry. Kind of strange that I'm leaving just now...good grief! I had no idea God could work so deeply! No wonder he's omnipotent! Aaaaah! My head hurts! Erm, nevermind.

So for many years, our family has kept our differences to ourselves, our opinions in certain subjects private, and blocked people from visiting us. Maybe we were the rogue family in secret, I don't know. I realized that I couldn't trust any of these people though, because they had violated that. My parents had a better way of looking at it though. Come to think of it, this explains why I was moping around and in my own little world when youth group started. I was about fifteen or sixteen then. I didn't like or trust anybody. Thank God, he helped me turn around.

God has really blessed this church by eliminating the weeds, which I hate to call people but they really were troublemakers. He's also brought people in and has greatly used all of the pastors to cause a mighty change in the people. It's quite beautiful, actually. I feel like I'm witnessing history. My parents have now been able to branch out and make friends. It's amazing! I've also found the people that I can trust, and I expect there's more where that came from! :D

The "Why me" came from the feeling of being alone. Even as of the late two years, I didn't want to be weak. I wanted to be strong. When I saw a weed, I struggled with whether what I was feeling was wrong, as others accused me of. Oh dear, I'm beginning to cry. It wasn't. I did the right thing. Now I've noticed another problem, and that's going to be taken care of. Pastor C told me that I have a gift for seeing the truth and that I should trust those feelings more, but she also understands that I'm young and am unfamiliar with these "scents" as it were.

If you walked into a room with the smells of roses, but didn't recognize that immediately because of your unfamiliarity to roses, how would you understand what you're smelling? When you've come and gone through the same room many times, you start to get curious and sniff around time find the origin of the scent, if possible. You finally pinpoint the origin and every time you see roses, you remember that scent. Every time you smell the scent of roses, you remember the origin.

It is the same with me. The older and more experienced I become, the more I am able to recognize the truth for what it is without doubt. In fact, it's the same as what God told me through J.S, "I will make your armor thick so that you can see the attack as it comes." It sounds like the painful part is the "thickening" process. Pastor C stated that it sets me apart. Now I've always liked being different and contradictory, although I haven't had much control of that. It kind of just...happens. But even as a young person, I remember Satan attacking me left and right with demons in nightmares, reality, and in using people. I guess he must really want me tormented. But why me? I've already faced a lot in being ADHD and struggling with communication. T.C's mum remembered to when I was a child and I started freaking out because I wanted something, but not because I couldn't get it. Rather, it was because I couldn't explain what it was I wanted. I have to face those issues, so now I have to instigate standing while everyone is sitting, content in their plasticity?

Yup, I guess so. [shrugs] Well no matter, as long as I'm pleasing to the Lord. It's just good to see the people who've truly committed their lives to God. It's so beautiful. J.S and pastor K and C are examples of this. There are, of course, others in the church as well, who are beautiful in their walk with God. It really just shines on their faces. I want to make sure I keep that aura around me as well. I want nothing else.

*Estarr*

Diet, Women's Retreat, Best Friend

So I have about 27 days left until the day begins that I leave for MEPS, which, if I pass the weight test there, will allow me to fly over to S.C. for BCT. Only problem is: I have to be 170lbs by that date. If I'm not...I won't be going. I'll lose the job which I have contracted by fingerprint and the bonus that comes with it. I will then be waiting for a later date which is decided by the MEPS to leave for BCT. They give the amount of time (months...even half a year) in which they think will be a safe rate of weight loss and in consideration to what my new job will be (which I believe I will have the choice on deciding dependent on availability.) I'm not sure what my weight is because my scale is hard to read and my friend's Wii fit says I'm like 5lbs lower than what the recruiter's office says. Last time I checked, it was 178 lbs (about a week ago now) and I was PMS. More or less I was probably 175lbs, I'm not sure. Anyway, I'm just panicking and I really don't need to be because if God truly does want me out of this thing, he'll let this come.
Either way, I'm going to start my Atkins Diet tomorrow. If I don't, I probably won't be able to lose the weight in time, even with my running. Getting into running/walking is slow-going because I get blisters, get sore, and whatever else happens. I started working out last Wednesday, continued on working out through Thursday and Friday, then took a rest period on Saturday and Sunday. Today, I walked waaaay too long with D.W and now I have some nasty blisters on my heels and toes. Bleh. This is going to take forever. So anyway, with the Atkin's diet, I'll figure I can lose 2-3 lbs per seven days or so, especially with working out. That way, I should be below 170 lbs and put simply, I'll be safely under the max weight. I'd explain why I have to be below 170 lbs but...it's kind of a pain in the arse to explain - especially when I've explained it already many times before.
Okay, what else? Oh! I've ordered three Walter Martin books and the third one just got in! Yay! Now I have Lee Strobel, Watchman Nee, Norman Geisler/Ron Rhodes, and Walter Martin! Goodness, that's a lot of reading material O_O. I'm not sure if I'm medically fit in the head....
Also, I went to the Women's Retreat in Ocean Shores this last Friday and Saturday. I brought my friend A.DV with me. The only reason why I went is because I felt like I should take her. Turns out that was God guiding me because my friend T.M told me she had been crying when she spoke to one of the speakers. I think her name was Leila Ojala who's a missionary in Colorado. She was amazing, I must admit. Anyways, I have always wanted A.DV to have that intimate relationship with Crhist like I've experienced, and I hope that this experience has started her on that path. She's one of my best and longest friends and it means the world to me to see her love God personally.
I think that's about all.

I swear I forgot to mention something these past days. I know I haven't posted for awhile. Hmmm, what was it? Oh well.
So it's been a very good week so far. Sunday I learned about Genesis chapter seven in which part of the sentence includes "its nostrils died." It was part of the children's Sunday school which I found hilarious but definitely true. Interestingly enough, the flood keeps being brought to my mind one way or another, so I wonder if the Spirit is trying to tell me of something. [lol]
Monday I hung out in town with a super headache caused by my tight jaw. It's not a grinding problem either, it's something different. Probably due to my wisdom teeth being pulled out. Will go to the dentist about it when I've gone through boot camp training (BCT). Monday was very intriguing nonetheless. Tuesday I went into town to buy some things and spent hours on Bangor base, starting off with working out (walking/jogging), then speaking with an old college buddy for a long time, then shopping for needed items. After that I went to my friend D.K's house. She is such a wonderful person and a great friend. Very talented in voice and dance (ballet and whatnot). I actually stayed the night over and am using her computer to type this. [lol] It's surprising what you find yourself doing when it's early in the morning.
The other thing I've done this morning is read Walter Martin. The moment I began reading some of his works, I fell in love. He is definitely a favorite of mine next to Watchman Nee. The way he writes is entertaining and from the heart. I also read a couple chapters of Genesis today since I've been behind on my bible reading. Coincidentally it was about the flood. Dot dot dot.
*Estarr*

O' Dark 30

Yep, I finally did it. Granted I started this post at 0500 but I woke up at 0430 this morning. It's actually quite refreshing to be up in the middle of the night, already with seven hours of sleep, not having to think about "I really should be going to bed now." That's the reason the idea of doing this made it exciting. I also seem to work at my optimal when I have seven hours of sleep as opposed to eight or twelve.

During the summer I tend to go to bed around three in the morning, and wake up at twelve to one. :P When I actually did go to bed at a somewhat reasonable time, ten, I woke up again at around twelve. My dad would always get mad at me because he can't have a decent time with me at around 1200 due to the fact that he's in "getting ready for work mode." Then he leaves, so he never would see me. At least, that's how it usually is every year. Now he's not going to see me AT ALL for three months and barely in between before I go to Florida for SIX months. :D Poor daddy....his girl is growing up!

I spent seven hours at my recruiter's office, finishing up my supposedly "necessary" pre-study of military knowledge like Personnel Rescue, Phonetic Alphabet, Land Navigation, Drill and Ceremonies, etc. etc. etc. I have one final test to do, and it is a final test, and it's on Enhanced Performance! Like yaaaaaaay. [groans] But at least it's the last one. I just couldn't believe that all this study takes like...ten hours to complete. My recruiter helped me big time yesterday. I almost did it all in just one go! [laf] Anyway, I better get that last test finished.

My Detailed Testimony (yay it's on here now!)

Okay here it is: raw and definitely a draft. But regardless, I'm not going through this entire thing because I'm lazy and making ou read through it in depth. :P Pick and choose what you want to focus on reading because the beginning stuff isn't as important as the later stuffz. Have fun! Oh, and make sure to grab something to drink and eat because it's going to be a long sit should you choose to read the entire way through in one sitting.
*Estarr*

Hmmm, where to start? The majority of younger life was school, so I'll start there. My mother schooled me when I was around three to five. My father took over around that time and continued the homeschooling until I was in 10th grade, age 14 year 2003. 10th grade was my only experience in high school, if you don't count 8th grade when I made the attempt to transition over public school and failed. It was totally epic but for a good reason: I didn't want to do that dumbarse project for History Day that all 8th graders in public school are required to do and compete with. :D School... But fortunately I succeeded in public school as a 10th grader. I only went because I wanted to prepare myself for classroom experience before transitioning over to the college in 11th grade, age 16 year 2005. In 2007 I earned an AAS (Associates in Arts and Science) degree from Olympic College and a High School Diploma from Klahowya Secondary School simultaneously. I had a total of 101 Dalmatians....errr, credits ;p This achievement was possible because I went through a program called Running Start which Washington state encourages. I am not a big fan of "me" events such as graduation ceremonies so I only went to the college one, much to the delight of my family and two aunts from England. [Sigh] Here's an overview of school years if you're that interested, although it's more for my memory than anything.

2003 / 9th grade / age 14 / last yr of homeschool begun
Sept 2004 / 10th grade / age 15 klahowya school begun
Sept 2005 / 11th grade / age 16 1st yr college begun
Sept 2006 / 12th grade / age 17 2nd yr college begun
July 2007 / --- / age 18 AAS/HS diploma attained

I grew up trying to be as tomboyish as possible. I developed a sort of anger at "males" because I wanted them to be challenged by me. I wanted to feel important and needed. I also felt like I should be the shield and the support for everyone around me, a protector basically, and that I deserved none; like it was my plight in life or something. Immature, yes? Well I knew that, but I was also feeling sorry for myself and just didn't care. I figured it would pass the time, I suppose. A lot of my memories seem to be fading before I realize it.

I began my life out in the boonies in Washington state. Strange, I don't know where that word came from but I seem to use it a lot. ^_^ It accurately describes my location which is the local store, pizzeria, restaurant, church (Christian Worship Center), real estate office, and some other office around the corner. Apparently it could've become the major city instead of Seattle but the docks here burnt down or something and a new one got built in Seattle instead. Anyway, that's where my life began, or at least as far as I can remember.

These were my first seven years, and they were very lonely. Neighborhood parents were unjustified in their associations with me and their children encouraged to be disrespectful to me. It was really pathetic. The only thing I can't blame them for reacting to would be my ADHD personality. I've "grown out" of it and it's simply a part of my imperfect human personality now but when I was younger, it certainly has been a huge hurdle. I also have to focus on communicating effectively, but to my child that was spazzing out because I couldn't explain what I wanted. My parents took me to their work, our church known as CWC, and my paternal grandma's (Vi) house. It sucked. I was so bored. [lol] My parents built themselves up from ground level zero, and thus had to take me with them wherever they went. It would've been worse having a babysitter, in my opinion. I got to spend a lot of time with my folks and many kids don't get that these days.

My parents got sick of dealing with our neighbors who were nasty with me, and moved up about four miles from where we lived. The neighbors there were...interesting. We had some issues to iron out at first but over time, excommunication prevailed and we could finally live in relative peace. My parents rented out our first house for awhile but then eventually sold it, making a good profit as land values had gone up. I was about seven years old at this time and I began dancing at Irene's School of Dance in 1997 when I was the greater part of seven years old. Yeah it was thirty to sixty min/week for ballet, but it was a start. I went from that to their dance company DAT (Dance Arts Theatre). I danced at Irene's for about seven years.

The sucky part about Irene's is that it had a lot of cliques, backstage mothers, disrespectful students in class and to peers, and whatnot. I got a lot of the worst of it, so my view of the school was not a good one. I loved Irene however, and admired and respected her. I still do. I kind of got fat there because I found that I was addicted to sweets and even stole some of it being so desperate for it. Rest assured I've popped money in the money box now and then like a donation in order to make up for it in the best way I can. Can't do that for the bigger stores because I can't remember which stores I stole from and what the amount was equal to what I took.

Also at age seven, I was molested by an eighty year old man known as Billy, a relative of one of the women going to our church at that time. I wasn't bothered by it then amd in fact, I thought I did something bad and was afraid I was going to be sent to my room! What a relief I felt when I found out this wasn't so! My mum however, was so devastated that she had to relieve some hurt and anger. My dad was simply burning with rage. I didn't realize at the time, but it had really messed with my psychologically.

Fast forward to age ten. I found that I had a serious hunger to receive the Holy Spirit because I saw what it did to people during Tell the World 2000, some kind of event at Fairgrounds that took place in 2000 and had a new evangalist/preacher every night for a week. I never realized I already had it. ^_^ One of those nights a man randomly came up to my mother and I, claiming that he had received a prophecy that I was destined to do ministry. He gave me an idea of what it was but there are many ways that I can perform that duty and so I have confusion concerning that topic. I still wonder if what he said was true, but only time will tell. It sure made mom and mysef excited to hear a word like that.

Age eleven I met Jason, four years older me at age fifteen. I was interested in him because to me he was a "young man" and one of the few that I'd actually see consistently. He introduced me to sexual intimacy while in church. I knew my folks wouldn't like it if they were to find out (I did tell them later) but it felt good. That's all I knew. This was also the time that I accidentally found porn as well. I was very new to these concepts of sexuality and didn't fully grasp yet just how awful the situation was. Still, I was stuck on porn and I was stuck with feeling good with Jason. It was also at this time I transitioned from Sunday school which I hated to adult bible study, which I loved. I think I've always had a huge desire to learn and not just be told stories. The bible study helped me with that. I was ALWAYS asking questions and still do to this day, and not as much as I truly want to because I'm afraid to bother people.

Somewhere near age twelve I experimented with sexual intimacy with my friend Hannah...accidentally. I didn't really want to but somehow it got started anyway and then curiosity got the best of me. 7th grade I became friends and then best friends with Aimee. I love her to bits as she, Alexis (I'll explain her later), and David (also to be explained) have both been the longest lasting friends I've ever had from my youth.

8th grade, age thirteen I began dating David. I thought it would be daring for me to bare my chest at him over a webcam and embarrassingly he caught it. I had thought his eyes were shut. At some point I went a little far with him too, but it was all me. I was beginning to seriously struggle within myself what was right and wrong, but if I had been given the chance I probably would have willingly lost my virginity with him.


I think I was fourteen when I stopped dating David and messing around with Jason in church. I guess I suddenly wanted my life where God wanted it. I felt guilty. Some people might call it a conscience, I now realize that it was the Spirit of God calling me back. Actually what happened was I got the flu so bad, I thought I was going to die; so I told my parents everything. [lol] Thank you God! Haha. I think that's what got me on track so for the first time I saw Jason for what he really was and how unclean I had become. However, the struggle didn't end there...

I think it was around the age of fourteen I started my second ballet school which was called MK Ballet School. It was in Bremerton but now it's north of Seattle, I believe. I did love that instructor, who's name is Michiko, but I will always say that she was like a whip, both in weight and in words. In her dance class, you were there to become a professional ballerina, or you weren't there at all. I believe she made every dancer who ever learned under her instruction cry at least once, including some parents. As soon as we left the studio or were basically done with dance, she became another person. It was awesome, although I didn't think much of it at the time. In fact, I was stressed out by it and left when I was sixteen. I was having a hard time dealing with my dramatically emotional mother and keep trying to think positive too. It was just too much.

I think I met my third best friend Beth at around fourteen. My first best friend was Marie and I had felt like she abandoned me when she went to public school and wasn't able to hang out with me as much anymore. I was about eight years old when I met her. Anyway, we just went different ways and public school is demanding. Aging has matured my thinking on that matter for sure. But when I was younger, I had no one else so I was pretty upset. Aimee was like, my second best friend. I didn't get to see Alexis since she had to move into town and to another church, so the title "best friend" couldn't be applied to her but I'd trust her with any secret I have.

Anyway, Beth and I became really good friends but I think she felt I was too judgmental with her. This was a time of spiritual growth for me and I guess she kind of imagined I was some do-gooder which we all know is definitely not true considering my "issues." When she stopped talking with me and then moved to another state, it took me years to get over it. I felt like I was ripped apart. Now I don't mind, as she is a really a cool person and we were both quite young and quite juvenile. My friend Annie also was part of our "friendship circle." Alexis too, but she was really shy and quiet. She really isn't quiet though, she's wonderfully robust when I do get to see her, which really isn't often enough. Now Annie found me to be "judgmental" too. It'll take up way too much of my typing energy to go into detail with that, and regardless I wouldn't want to share that kind of information anyway. I love and miss them all.

Um let's see, age fifteen I met Darren at Klahowya. I truly liked him but because I had sworn I wouldn't date anyone who didn't hold a personal relationship with God and believe in the Christian essential doctrinal beliefs. He did try but I think he blamed God for his mother's death early in his youth. Anyway, when we went to the science museum in Seattle with Jobie's chemistry's class, it was the first time he ignored me completely. It was horrible of him, and my heart was torn again. It took at least a year to recover from that. I'm serious. Really. It was dreadful. Oh hey, I still have his tiger t-shirt. ;) Anyway, thankfully I resisted even kissing him because I knew it'd be a bad idea for me to be unequally yoked and kissing definitely would be a sign of dating. I think he joined the Army in 2008. I hope he doesn't die...his head was so high up in the clouds...

Turning sixteen was awesome because Aimee's mom Regina hosted my Sweet Sixteen. It was so much fun. The luau we had for Aimee's birthday was awesome too, but I can't remember when that was. Man, she and I have had some good times! I also went to Bremerton Dance Center and joined their dance company for a time, but it didn't last very long as my Achilles tendinitis just hurt like hell. I performed in a Choreography Showcase and their Nutcracker...I think that was it. Aimee and I got to dance together, and I truly enjoyed that even though I had felt jealous whenever the other girls divided her attention from me. Heh, I was afraid of losing another friend, I guess.

Now, turning sixteen also meant that at the beginning of the next school year, I would be going to college!!! I was really excited to leave the annoying, immature students, and that irritating bell that symbolized domination over me. I didn't know what to think of college because dad always talked about me having learned college level stuff when I was younger, so I thought nothing of it. I just was happy for the freedom to be where I wanted, when I wanted, and go to class without that darn bell. It was then I met Adam.

I truly enjoyed college and excelled at it, but kind of started slacking off a bit in the latter two quarters or so. This was how I met Adam, who was also a freshman running start student like myself. The character building process that I was about to go through was one of the biggest growing pains of my life, or so I remember it. We began as best friends starting the third day of English 101 in the Fall quarter 2005. We were both gungho for God, had a Husky dog, ponds, two decks, and more. Even more amusing was when we traded essays that third day of English and had written practically the same things concerning God, our families, property, and whatnot. We then began dating on 14Feb2006. [insert Jaws sound effect here] Yeah, we got caught up in the Valentine's day rush.

At first it didn't work out because it was too weird for me. I had spent so much time trying to avoid guys after Darren, including despising and challenging them, that being a girlfriend to a boy/man meant I was placing myself below him. So I broke it off with him and over summer the poor boy suffered. We did talk though. When I saw him Fall 2006, beginning of our second year of college, I suddenly desired to be close to him. We started our relationship trying to have God as the center but suddenly things got weirdly twisted. We both lost ourselves in sexual intimacy :( Regretfully I must say that neither of us are virgins due to that. I can't really regret all of it though because I don't ever want to forget the good times we had as friends; but we certainly had our share of bad choices that separated us from God and family.


I remember feeling guilty that I didn't feel guilty about having pre-marital sex. My whole life I felt the Spirit nudging me away from bad situations but this time I completely shut it off, or at least thought I did. I was so very confused. I remember getting bad headaches and feeling sick all the time (acid reflux). I was very stressed and was crying out to the Lord, desperate for peace and an answer. But all I knew was that I wanted sex, and I started to not care if I was raped or if I got it from someone else. I was in a very dangerous and vulnerable place. I didn't realize, but all the hatred that I'd had for "boys" was because I was angry at being abused without realizing it. I was hateful because I felt abandoned by the friends I'd try to encourage to God-like. I was sorry for myself, as I mentioned earlier, because of the mistreatment I suffered in my first home of memory, being beaten with rocks and sticks and harassed. I was sorry for myself because of the unkindness directed at me while at Irene's.

We were hiding our relationship from his parents but my parents knew. I started finding out that we were wrong to hide our relationship and it was really hurting me. I also experienced a scare that made me think I might've been pregnant. I wasn't, thank God, but I told mom in the process because I was feeling very guilty and definitely feeling the absence of the Holy Spirit in my life. Mom told dad and dad made her call his parents. A meeting of the parents. Not fun. Not at all. I think this must've happened around January 2007, but I'm not positive. Adam and I were to stop talking with each other and he had to go to another campus that meant being further away from me. However, since he was president of SkillsUSA (a vocational club for helping students prepare for work outside of school) and I was secretary, and his dad was and still is adviser of it at Bremerton High School, it was inevitable we would be able to communicate still. After a couple months they calmed down on the restriction but made sure that he knew he would not get to go to WSU (Washington State University) unless he restrained from dating. That was the reason why we were hiding our relationship in the first place. I was put in a very awkward place because it wasn't fair on me that he couldn't say to his parents that he loved me, but I didn't want him to lose his future.

I will add that SkillsUSA was awesome because it gave me the opportunity to help build care packages and over 2,000 Valentine's cards for the troops. I felt so very proud being a part of that. I still have the award for it which is tucked away in my portfolio. I competed at regionals and state for extemporary speaking and promotional bulletin board. I got bronze medals for both at regionals but nothing at state. I was pretty disappointed at that but then again, I'm probably better at prepared speaking than extemporary. I thought our promo board was awesome, but I guess they didn't. :( Oh well. Others competed for culinary arts, welding, and more. There were so many options to choose from. I also was secretary so I helped keep things running smoothly, recording all of our meetings for attendance, times, discussions brought up, etc. SkillsUSA was a good experience that Adam and I had together.

On the subject of Adam, I think we did have sex again because once started, it's very hard thing to break. My memory gets kind of fuzzy here. I believe this was after the "meeting of the parents." I got caught up in porn again to deal with the pain of loneliness and just found myself with another problem. My stress only got worse and I started developing a sort of split personality. I called her Black Starr. Yeah, really. No joke. There was me who wanted God, and then there was her, a sex-hungry hateful wretch. She's a representation of a sinful part of me that I never again want to resurface. I knew it was bad for Adam and I to stay together so I broke it off after we graduated June 2007. Besides, I didn't want to be his secret baggage to be carried over with him while at WSU. I also wanted to heal up my relationship with God again. We couldn't stop being intimate so that was it for me. I remember exactly where I finally broke up with him too. Sometimes I go there to reminisce quietly. To think of what could've been. Now I did have plans to go to WSU because Adam had insisted it's a good school to go to, and then I was excited, but I was so frightened of my parents spending all that money o me for a career that'd I'd decide not to do. I'd heard too much of that so I decided to wait. Two years later...[lol]

We stayed friends during my first job with (CCS) Catholic Community Services which I had started March 2007. I think we started getting too close again and so poor Adam was probably suffering so much he couldn't handle it anymore. I mean, he kept thinking he was seeing me every time he saw a redhead at WSU, and I also kept thinking I saw him everywhere in his bright yellow jacket. For the record, I just had my hair dyed red, it's actually a very dark blonde to light brown. It really sucked, I cannot lie. So he said that he felt we shouldn't talk anymore because he felt God had put it on his heart. My heart stopped...and then shredded into millions of pieces. I remembered all the times it had torn and scarred over with Marie, Beth, Annie, Darren...I was in shock and sort of lost my mind...I won't get into that... When I originally broke up with him I felt a peace about doing that because we couldn't keep our intimate passions under control very well. It was a constant temptation on both of our minds all the time. But when I felt the connection to my best friend collapse, snapped. But I didn't disagree with him because I knew he was right and I hoped that at some point we could maintain a mutual friendship after time, but he got really ticked at me for trying so I kind of gave up on that. I'm still trying to heal over once again losing a best friend. [sigh] Life goes on and lesson well learned.

Anyway, I started getting seriously addicted to porn and even yaoi again. Black Starr tried rising up there and again and I was feeling sorry for myself. I was feeling alone. Annie and I weren't getting along well and I really wanted someone to hear me. I started Teletech November 2007 and kept my CCS job on the weekends. Then I started going to Youth Alive. Actually I can't remember what year it was when I started going. It was either 2007 or 2008 but I think it was the latter. I had avoided it during college because of certain things but because I had lost my life, which was Adam at the time, I struggled to find something else to occupy my time. Then a life changing incident happened...

I had a car accident around August 2007. I was coming from CCS training to a client's house to work and I was worried about my gas being on empty. My car had refused to start for about thirty minutes and I was spazzing out. Anyway, it was about 5p in the day when the Navy Shipyard traffic is the worst and this driver decides to attempt a cross over four heavily trafficked lanes. She t-boned me and I found myself heaving all night. It was horrible. The accident was not my fault, but not noticing my car had a problem with it and not getting her insurance number was the stupidest thing I ever did. My parents have never let me forget it. Life became another hell as I fell into more self-pity. I knew that God was using that circumstance for something, but I didn't know what and that stressed me out. Then the character and renewal of my relationship with God began, or at least that's how I see it.

Dad suggested a Watchman Nee book and in my extreme boredom without a car, I did. As I read it, and I could feel my spirit stirring at the Spirit of God. Those words that I read impacted me so strongly that I felt a jumped to the next level, if there was a "level" per say. I started growing from that point and getting closer with God, but I still suffered with temptations of yaoi and porn. I got really depressed when Annie left to live where Beth had moved to a long time ago. Late 2007 I did get myself a new car, so yay! Nissan ftw! I think It's a '06. I originally had a Honda Accord '93.

Then one day at church, our pastor said something about the need for strong pillars in our church. I thought, I'd been at this church for how long and I'm sulking in the corner of the youth group building? I had to stand up and be an example again since I'd pulled myself closer to the mouth of the Black Starr hole after reading Watchman Nee's book. I also offered to help our soundboard guy Marshall because he wanted to go on vacation with his wife and I wanted to help...and something to do. Anyway, I marched up to our youth group pastor Dave and said that I was ready to try my hand at helping out in the youth group like a leader does. I also expressed my need for counseling, and he's a counselor. I was still fighting with my sins and was feeling Black Starr like acid up my throat. I was desperate to learn, learn, and learn. About myself, how to be an example, how to help encourage young people like myself restrain from the same things I'd been and still was in. I'd felt like I was unable to help Beth and Annie, so maybe Dave could help me do it better...and to figure myself out. Well, he accepted.

February 23, 2009 I had to quit my job at Teletech. It was a great experience because it taught me so much, but I had to move on. Plus, I was laid off so I had to go on unemployment. I had started working at DDD (Department of Developmental Disabilities) back in Sept 2008 but it wasn't enough for my car debt, insurance, and whatnot.

I worked with Dave for awhile and finally, with much satisfaction I could release my burdens of all that I have spoken of in my life-story. I was able to stop the porn and yaoi addiction, and whatnot. I got closer with God as I pursued more ways to become more knowledgeable about this God I called my friend. I found Toby Logsdon and his ministry. I would listen on my Zune, message after message after message, gaining excitement for the Lord at each passing moment. I began to start realizing and forming my own beliefs which contradicted some people's in my church, specifically, a couple of the leaders. It got a bit awkward, and especially so when my friend Marshall, of whom I had been training for soundboard under, suddenly died. When I found out, I was in the midst of studying for the ASVAB for military entrance for the coming Saturday (I was seriously considerng the military). I snapped...again. Marshall had died April 1, 2009 Wednesday.

I did recover but not before I had some problems with a leader of my church, accusing me of certain things and disregarding the fact that my good friend Marshall had just died and claimed that he was sure God wanted him to say those things to me right then and there. I spent that whole day praying with God, talking with my folks, and jogging down the road with my good ol' friend Toby Logsdon. That night I felt much peace and was able to smile happily at the person who had accused me earlier. Although I was still wondering if what he had said was right.

Interestingly enough, but not surprising, God used that circumstance to help me evaluate myself. That entire week while I was debating whether the person who accused me was right about me or not, I found some of myself. I also found that I have wonderful counselors around me that aren't afraid to be blunt with me, but show love instead of judgment and condemnation. Plus I was used to psychological talks like this leader was using because my dad was a psychologist. After a time, it seemed to be a means to no end.

April 27, 2009 my parents headed off to England to visit our relatives over there while I stayed at home. Again, another huge life-changing time period. The first week God used my ballet class to get to know my new friends Dylan, Karysa, and Lauren. I also joined up with Mary Kay which is based off of a Christian standpoint. I was suprised to find myself being more feminine and wanting to be such. It kind of started at Teletech when I wanted to appear more presentable. I had facial consultation and then at 4:30a I signed up for the business! I couldn't believe myself but I'm really excited about it. I also met with Pastor Cathy (she's the wife of Pastor Ken) due to the urging of my spiritual granmama Jeanne. I had been going to her and Margie who were encouraging me during those tough weeks concerning Marshall, the leader who gave me a hard time, and even my questioning on enlisting in the military. Pastor Cathy gave me such important words of wisdom, it carried me into the next week. She encouraged me to wait before going to MEPS (Military Entrance Processing Station) because she wanted to hook me up with her good friend Captain Betsy and didn't want me to jump into the military before my parents got home.

Now the second week was just as important as the first. I got to know Dylan and everybody even better and I met with Pastor Cathy again, on the day my parents returned which was May 10, 2009. I told her that I turned my recruiter, Sergeant Jones, down for the RSVP he had on the job I wanted. I felt like I had to wait until my parents got back. We then continued on talking about the military and all the reasons why I wanted to join. She then told me to take this list, sit down with my dad, and talk about with him. So I did. He finally released me, recognizing that this was a choice I had to make and that this was my life we were talking about. And if God wants it this way, he said, then do God's will. That was all I needed.

Luckily, I got to RSVP the job I wanted originally wanted with an even higher bonus.With all the prayers of my wonderful counselors around me, I went off to Sea-Tac for the Clarion hotel May 20, 2009 to stay the night. I then left for MEPS the next day. There was a problem and I had to go again May 27, 2009. Some believed that it was a sign of God's displeasure, but I didn't. Things like my situation happen a lot and my desire to join was just as strong as before. God put that desire in me, so I was going to follow it. The only problem was I couldn't RSVP the 35W as I had already done it twice. By stroke of luck, or grace of God, I was given a job that had more than I expected, and still a bonus attached! I even got to elect for Airborne training, although people think it's a death wish, I don't care. It's an adventure. So May 28, 2009 was the day of my enlistment. I couldn't believe it, I actually had done it and a new chapter of my life is about to begin.

I have so much more to learn about God and his wonderful ways, but I am so blessed because of his grace, mercy, and love. He is the friend that I've had before I even existed, the friend that will never turn me away, hate me, despise me, abandon me, lie to me, gossip about me, laugh at me. He is the God who cares for me and wants me to want him back. Well guess what? I do!!! This is my testimony.

A Word From God

For private: I hope I can recall correctly what God told me through J.S, but it was something along the lines of, "My daughter, you already know my voice. You rely on others' too much. Many have falsely accused you but we have a relationship unlike (any other, most, others...something like that)...
I spake with J.S yesterday and I went to her concerning certain matters that were strong in my mind. She answered me, confirming what I had been thinking about and then asked if she could pray with me, to which I happily obliged. About 15 seconds into the prayer, she stated that she was going to have a prayer in silence to the Lord, afterwhich she spake to God in tongues. Only seconds later she chuckles and says, "God has brought into my memory..." and the rest is a bit obscure.
"...You are following me obediently as I have guided. In the Army (it was mentioned at some point...not sure how though because I've forgotten) you will become strong. Your armor will become thick and you will be able to see the attacks against you as they come." Well as time goes on I forget...
The rest of what God told her was meant for mainly me I think, but it's given me the hope (which pastor told me to pray for, a vision of hope, which I did...now that I think about it) and confirmation that I desperately needed. In fact, as soon as J.S spake the interpretation of her communication with God through tongues, I began to cry, then weep, and...bawl. Yeah, I was completely snotting myself and that's just not typical of me unless I feel the move of the Spirit. How beautiful he is!!!
...what was said but and so this is the best I can reall. J.S followed up on this after the prayer and smiled at me with tears in her eyes saying that she was utterly shocked to see what a beautiful relationship that she sees that God and I have. She said that I have been wrongly accused but that I am...
I was asked the other day if I have heard God speak to me. Not necessarily through actual words, but been in a situation in which I knew that God was speaking to me. I hesitated because it's hard to describe what hearing God's like, then I went through doubt because I was talking to a person I have in high regard, and finally, faltered in my response. But I do feel God! I do hear his voice! He knows how much I love and fear him. Whether I've been bathed in the holy spirit? Let me tell you something, all these little phrases, these "religiously correct" sentences drive me nuts. I'll tell you about my Lord. He and I, we are inseparable. I am young, I am naive, and hell, I'm definitely imperfect. I can even try running from him sometimes. I recognize my inadquecies, my faults, my self-image, and...
...following where God wants me to follow and to walking where he wants me to walk, that I do indeed hear his voice, and have a relationship with God that just isn't as real to others as God made it real to her. There was no mistaking her expression. I was shocked...
...I give them to God. Have I been "bathed" in the holy Spirit? Yes, I have. The moment I was conceived in my mother's womb, my spirit had already recognized my savior. I swear, my own spirit was jumping up and down in joy, eager to be one with his Spirit. I am touched by his presence daily.. Should he choose to hide his face from me, I know he is still there. My heart has always been one for God. Technically, there has never been a date when I "officially" became a Christian. I am. If you want to be technical about it, I came back on fire for God after going to this "Tell the World 2000" thing that mum took me to at age eleven.



Someone prophesied to me on the last day, saying that my ministry will be 'women and children.' I don't know if that's for real or not but I thirsted after the holy Spirit and have since then. That was also when the attacks of Satan began barging at my innocense and more. After my car accident in Summer of 2007, my graduation year, because I picked up Watchmen Nee and gobbled that up. I got a better understanding of the holy Spirit then and craved it all the more. Well that's enough of that. I think I need to post my testimony on here :D.
God had never done this for me, in this way before. I just can't accurately describe how I felt or how I feel, even now. Blessed be his name!!!

Chicken Fragments!

Well, Sunday (that's yesterday) was an very interesting day...

I was on my way to my friend T.C's house and turned onto H. rd right behind this black slugbug, which T.C collects and I love black cars. I thought it was ironic, giggling over the fact and being amused as I watched us drive down the road. Not even ten seconds later, I watch with my jaw opened as a deer runs right in front of the bug, flies and flips through the air, lands on the drenching pavement, and roles like a ragdoll into the water-filled ditch!
I felt like I had to pull behind the car and see if that person was okay. Turns out to be a young girl (though taller than me...[enter anime tears here]) who is shaking as much as the twitching deer who, at this time, is struggling to lay upright. I share with her the experiences I've gone through and that the situation was definitely not her fault as I had seen it happen as if it were frame by frame. It starts downpouring and so we jump into my still-running (black :D) car. I managed to mention that I had been on my way to "church" friend's house, pointing to the direction of my church which was only .2 mile ahead of us at most, to at least plant that thought in her head. Let God use that seed as he will.

Another interesting role I had to play yesterday was while I was still at my friend T.C's house. D.W called me at around 19:00 to ask if I could do a favor. Her hubby was in hospital because of chicken bones getting stuck in his thumb...she said it was gross so I'm glad I didn't see it :). Her kids had been waiting for at least 1 1/2 hrs and they were past their bedtime. I just happened to be five minutes away from the Naval hospital where she was! I felt so blessed that I could do that for her and jumped at the chance...plus it was getting late anyways. So I took 'em home, made sure they brushed their teeth, took meds, and went to bed. I, myself, dozed off on the couch, waking up consistently due to the dogs, my unusually fast heart rate, and dreaming of spiders...again. Like omgosh...that's two nights in a row. Plus, I kept dreaming of false situations which put me into a complete state of confusion when D.W arrived home at 01:30 in reality, not my dreams :P. Anyway, I woke up this morning around 06:30 hearing D.W waking her kids up to rush out of there to meet her hubby before his surgery. I have yet to know how his surgery went.

An Uneventful but High Errand Day

Another high errand day. Good news, I had a wonderful but stressed and speedy lunch. I also got my brake "shoes" replaced. Apparently they had 1cm left on them, and that's not too good. Now they're back to 3cm again ^_^! Or whatever it's supposed to be at which is kind of funny because I found I didn't have to pull up my handbrake as high after they got replaced. I guess that has to do with the brake "shoes" being able to reach the brake "drums" better. Aaaah, car lingo...one language I really don't want to study.
I also got a new air filter put in the car. What else? Mum got some good deals for clothes while we were waiting for my car. Okay so the bad news is that I had to pay a lot of money for them stupid brakes and our house in S-dale which is rented was supposed to have it's garage door fixed/replaced but couldn't be done because the renters didn't think to clean the area around the garage door. I admit, I probably wouldn't've either...unless it's just really packed in there. I also had tight jaw problems again today. [sigh] What next?
That's about it for today. I just have the "Back to School bash" party to look forward to. No, it's not that I am going back to school, it's my volunteering to make Nerdy-cakes for the youth group. Yeah, you heard me. Nerdy-cakes. Pancakes with Nerds in them. It's actually quite good. Tangy. Sweet. Also mixes with M&M's and whatever else :D.
Huh. That reminds me. I need to put in for my community service for that blasted speeding ticket I got after passing someone at 60mph. Need to talk to pastor D about that.
*Estarr*

A Full Day of Errands

Mum ended not coming with me today. I decided I had to pick up my frames, have my hair cut, and more...so I designated myself as my daddy's driver tonight :P. His car's in the shop :( which was why mum was going to maybe come with me into town today but her doctor's appointments near B-ton was going to conflict with my meeting with Cathy and the things I had planned on doing.

Pastor C and I talked about things I hadn't originally planned on talking about, but they were of interest to me all the same. I really wasn't all that into it as I would've liked being that I was contemplating deeply on the other issues I would've liked to ask...but maybe next time. I was kind of a bad time for her to see me and I knew that, but I was eager to see her place while I could. I had this feeling that if I didn't go today, I might not be able to again. Probably just paranoia of some silliness, but oh well. I love her place, and definitely the koi in her little fish pond. The view was spectacular and it was a lot of fun to me. Granted, I passed out for five minutes on the back porch of which pastor K teased me about. Pastor C had been talking with some floor tile experts so...it's not like she put me to sleep or anything... :P

That's kind of the sum of my day; I did get my new frames which I'm happily wearing, got my hair cut, enjoyed Costco's food and good prices, and Safeway's awesome gas prices! On top of that, I was dad's chauffeur, what daddy's girl wouldn't love that? :D

Yep....it was a good day.

*Starr*