Where I have failed
Surely I have also succeeded

Graduation Day

If I had not failed this one test called Fusion, I wouldn't have been sent to a class a month behind us. I would be graduating today instead of 19 AUG 09. I have been crying over this. I don't want to graduate with any other class. All my friends are here. I wanted to go through FTX and STX with my comrades but no, I cannot. I finally started dating this man, B. Johnson. I've dated two men while here, the other being J. Somerville, an AFC. It hurt a whole lot when he left, and it hurts now watching Johnson pack up his things. Life can be so cruel. Neither of them are dedicated Christians either. I pray that someday they will be. They are good men. I want to cry more. I cannot, I have PT.

My Father's Tears

I remember the day when
I last saw your face
Eyes tinged red and moist
You swallowed hard
And forced a smile
To remain your pain unvoiced

You said you cried
When I was out of sight
Tears rolled down your face
Agonizing over
My leaving your side
When would you again
Hold me in your embrace

I tear at the thought
Of hurting you
Leaving you behind while thinking
That may have been
My last memory of her
For only God knows,
When she'll be returning

Examining My Changes

So many things have happened. I've changed so much, I'm not sure my home nor my church would accept me. I've discovered my wings and have begun to fly, but that has resulted in many eye-openers. I haven't known how to respond to them and reached out desperately for help by listening to my home church podcasts, but I only had one. I listened to it over and over until I was sick of it.

God guided me through Basic, he gave me a helping hand. I wouldn't have made it if it were not for God nor my friends and family back at home. They are true friends. I've become stronger, learning to stand for myself, not as much shit in the past. But I've also become a different person. I love God as much as I did then, but I no longer follow as strictly to the Bible's guidelines as before. The Bible is the word of God, and wise in its' teachings. The Holy Spirit is very real, I will never forget that. But unless I have my Christian friends around me, I will not have anyone to hold me strong.

This is very hard for me. Have much more to say, and it will take much courage to say it. Hopefully no one reads my posts any more except me.